Lack of support

Has anyone ever struggled with lack support from their spouse prior to surgery?! I think the during orientation he only heard all the possible possible complications and is why! If any has struggled with or gone through something similar?! I would love some advice! Thanks 

I took mine with me to appointments and surgical group meetings.  He became educated and much more supportive.

Is he overweight? Maybe he is worried you will try to make him lose weight, too. Or he really likes how things are now and does not want anything to change.

Mine was against the surgery and did his best to talk me out of it -- but I was committed.  Told him I was proceeding with it for my health.  As time went on, we talked more about it, and he learned more, and accepted my decision.  He's ok with it now -- sees the positive changes, etc.  Not thrilled about it, but deals with it better.

Just keep lines of communication open.

Mary

My husband was utterly opposed throughout the whole pre-op process. He was terrified that something would happen to me. Two days before surgery he "forbid" me from having it... I just told him he was sweet to be concerned, that I would be fine, and all I needed was his support. Now, 6 months later, he is as thrilled as I am. All of my co-morbidities are in remission and I feel great. I just stayed the course I needed to take and he eventually fell in line. It took patience!!

I knew not to take my DH to the day-long orientation or to any of the two-hour long support group sessions...ever seen a man act like he'd been dunked in hot grease?   Instead, I saved his patience for being my rock the week of WLS and he did a good job.  He views my WLS as an obstacle over and hardly notices my routine.  Not long ago, I asked him if he ever feels guilty eating in front of me, he said "nope, that's your problem, not mine."  Harsh as it may seem, maybe there's a tiny bit of advice in that. 

My husband never had a weight issue. His problem is trying to gain weight! (don't you just hate him) He has always said me being heavy doesn't bother him. I have told him it's not about what bothers him, it's about what bothers me and how I feel. I was not doing this for him but for me. He has not been for or against my having surgery. He is not a real vocal person....just goes with the flow. I did not take him to any of my appointments.... I always went when he was working. When I had surgery I would not let him take off work...my sister went with me. He has been fine also post surgery. He is good about where we eat knowing it has to be some place I can find something to eat. He is not one to comment on how much I have lost either. But, that is just him and I live with it.

I swear there's a correlation with underweight men playing a part in MO.  My always-thin DH and I in our 50's and have been married over 30 years.  I remember one of our first dinner dates he convinced me into trying bleu cheese dressing on a side salad and sour cream on a baked potato.  I was so enamored with him, I told him I liked them.  I think that date was a pivotal moment to the end of my figure.  One of our wedding presents was a crock pot.  The first thing I spent our meager pennies on was a good-sized roast beef to crockpot.  I planned leftover beef for sandwiches in his lunchbox the rest of the workweek.  I watched him eat the entire roast in one sitting thinking to myself I was in for one, long marriage.  He has always had a full-time, blue-collar job with farming taking up spare time.  It takes a lot to fill up his 6'5" frame, too.  His WLS support has been providing good health insurance coverage and loving me through years of super-morbid obesity.  Those of us with spouses not so keen on playing an active role in WLS victories and struggles have this website to rely on.

Thanks to everyone for their words of wisdom!  I think all of things mentioned are probably true about how he is thinking and feeling! I was just having a moment of needing to vent, as I thought he had turned a corner when he started bring healthier thing into the house! I'm sure he will come around sooner or later!  I'm moving forward with WLS for me and my health! Once he see the new me and how it benefited me and my health we can celebrate my choice! Thanks again!

Learn and get knowledge and education on every facet of WLS. Should help. Knowing is the biggest support for you both, it shines the light of facts and data, and dispels dark rumors and fiction.